Typically, what we do is...

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When i was three, I wanted to be my dad.When I was five, I wanted to be a conductor. When I was seven, I wanted to be Shri Ram. When I was nine, I wanted to be Shiva. Sometimes Rajnikanth,sometimes Tendulkar. So many times in life, I have practised cricketing strokes with a stick in hand imagining the blue sea cheering for me at the Eden gardens. Often, I found myself at the Azad maidan being a politican. But somewhere, firmly deep inside, I was always told I would be an engineer. I never revolted. I was never passionate about being one either. Once in a while, I have wondered what I would be doing if not an engineer? Arts? Commerce? But I would still be studying.

But, did I really become the engineer that I wanted to become? Unlike most other professions, I never knew what being an engineer was. During my bachelors, I thought more about life,love and being forever alone. And forever alone, I am, still!:) Yet, there was always a feeling somewhere deep down that I would be an engineer some day. It was almost like it was written in the stars. At the cusp of formal academics(hopefully not,yet it seems the inevitable.), I really wonder if I can ever call myself an engineer.The more i watch the inhabitants from the corporate jungle, the more they repel me.

I wonder when do normal become 'corporatorized'! Infact, every company seems to be an equation of the form:

Input: intelligent, sane people.

Output: homogenized, obnoxious corporates!

Function contents:

1. Train them.
2. Train them.
3. Train them.

So what really happens to corporate people? And, I am afraid my views may dramatically change in a couple of months. And i want to capture my image of a corporate inhabitant before my model gets damaged by the impending conversion.

Let me first describe how these species look in common life

Name: Homo-corporatiens

Found in: the deep deserts of electronic city, WhiteField in big numbers.

Distinct characteristics:

Irrespective of the sex, they are characterized by a distinct identity card proclaiming their name, company and a photo of them taken when their hair was much darker and better looking. Not sure why they hang around with it even when they are out of the campus, but they do! Mostly tucked around the neck, but some cards can be found hanging around the belt too. The junior members will usually flash their local Android phone at the slightest pretext and the senior folk use their blackberry to either send mails,telling they will be late to the meeting or flirting with the prettiest juniors! Otherwise, the men folk usually wear a formal shirt with the neck button also buckled in decently and a shoe. These things, supposedly help their productivity. It's more easier spotting the women folk though. If you find a woman in a kurti or a formal shirt, mokkai pottufying with a guy on phone or atleast covering her ears with an earphone, as if the common folk would otherwise ask her the time, then be sure, this is one of the corporate ladeezz!!Of course, the highest probability of finding them in areas which traditionally do not belong to them are in the Volvo buses!

Languages known:

A highly esoteric and grammer less form of English which has evolved over the years in the far away lands of America is widely spoken across all sects of the corporate hierarchy. The accent might sound stylish, but unfortunately, it stops at that. Typically, words like “typically, what we do at our organization is....”, “platform as a service, mindlessness as a service, service as a service(OK, they dont know what does service really mean!)”, “we, at the industry deal with problems which involve scales or a few millions blah blah!!” are used once in every two sentences. And yeah, they usually can't speak without Microsoft ppts! Some of the richer buggers use Apple and all! But, you know can afford to sleep in a presentation if you see the logo of the company and he starts talking about “What we primarily do in our company is!”. Ok, every company spokesperson (or technical lead, as they call themselves) tells we are no. 1 in blah blah, no.2 in blah blah. All i know is it's all blurred. Everybody in the corporate world is no. 1 only!!

ooooo and how do i forget the women folk!! Especially, the HR people. For them, employees are never people. Some are folks. Some are blandly called resources. RESOURCES? WTF! OK, but seriously, why do these women have to wear some stupid looking formal shirt to look formal? And yeah, please stop talking about “grooming” skills again. Broom will come in hand, ok?

Probably, in a couple of months, even I will be one among them. Probably, one of my juniors might curse them. Or maybe, not. So is life!

It's not all that bad!

If to compliment is divine, to crib is  human! And crib, we can! Or is it only we, Indians who do it? The other day, I happened to share my dinner with a very pretty Swedish lady (I really love talking about her!:P) and she said, all they ate back home was potatoes and meat!! Only boiled potatoes and meat?? Terrible, I say.

In fact, so many of our dinner conversations seems to  start and end with cribbing. But that apart, there are so many kinds of people when it comes to food. The first breed, is of the Shashanka ilk! He believes that canteen food is evil,pure evil. Tell me,  have you ever seen him eating  in the canteen for 3 consecutive days? Pretty sure,you can't. Thats a different story that he can be officially credited for creating the “White Revolution” in our college. I genuinely think he has a credit account with Cafe Corner where he seems to reside when in the hostel!

The second is the asshole type! They really dont have an opinion of their own. When they sit with a dal eating fellow, they will outrage against the poor quality of dal without eating it ofcourse and rave about how dal is prepared in their village. Yeah, village! Oh, I forgot, there is a certain variant of this population for whom the views are shaped so that they mirror that of their favourite gals! Well, anyway, once an asshole, always one.

Then there is the so called “rational” fellow. In chaste English, he begins, “Dude, why do you think we need 2 sabjis!I mean why can't we just have one sabji and get fruits or so. You see it's more healthier.”. Please, don't ask me where he ate yesterday evening. Of course, am going to tell you. Hogs at Subway and talks about health in the canteen. Ok, now I need some protection since this guy stays only a couple of doors away.Anyways, boss you should have gone to the food committee meetings, no?:P

The fifth type! Their views have are private only to  their friends. Occasionally, they might like what others post on FB. But their mouths open only to eat and not to talk! Yet, they always want Vamsi to take on others. And papa, Vamsi. Anybody uses an app to find out who is his enemy and his name pops out first.

And the last is probably, the worst. It's me. He knows no taste, no likes. All he needs is curd. And since, I have no regrets with the current food, I can continue to afford writing!

Pray tell me who are you!!

There,there they go again. Under the august garb of red and yellow, a few pieces of glass will go to the bin today. A few expletives will be exchanged with the English speaking junta. Auto-wallahs will start pretending they dont know Tamil. Jobless fellows will become jobless forever. And now, they are stoning WIPRO? Really? Err,wait, Did they even touch the KSRTC?

Yella ok,pa? But dear vandalizer, who are you? Where did you learn Kannada? You speak so well and you pretend to be a Kannadiga!? I still believe you are an agent of destruction sent by envious states. Yes, you folks, whoever support the strike, you cannot be Kannadigas. I am a Kannadiga,by choice and I know the pride that runs through my veins when I stand at the Chennai bus stand and watch people trying to get into the “Rajahamsa” leaving the poor SETC Ultra-Deluxe buses alone. And you people who strike,even felt like stoning our very own KSRTC? Would someone from this glorious state break the bones of his own sister? For all the things that Karnataka stands for,KSRTC is one of the most glorious symbols i have known and any man stopping it's operations too is a traitor. KSRTC for all i know is not just a transport vehicle and even the mention of it as a mere government carrier is but trivial. For me, it's one of the lifelines of Karnataka and every single blow on the buses is a slap on the face of every Kannadiga!

Oh brother, the yellow and red stripes deserve better shoulders than your's!

And stoning WIPRO? Hell,yeah! Shows you have never read newspapers,never seen news channels. Yeah, the corporate community might not speak Kannada. Agreed.They speak C,java,python,English-vinglish. But,ever bothered to open BBC? When Infy became the first Indian company to be listed in NASDAQ, ever felt what it was when the world knew that a company headquartered in namma Bengalooru could rise to international levels? Ever felt the pride when Obama refers to India as Bangalore in software context? As one of my uncle says, Bangalore has become the simha-swapna for the Americans. I really cant help believe you are destructive agents sent only to malign the image of Karnataka. Why would someone stab himself!

I cannot help but feel pathetically bad about our very own men rampaging against us. It takes enormous sacrifice to build a state. But destruction is only a 'stone's throw away. We all love Kaveri,but can we sacrifice our beloved Karnataka for it? Isn't the price a tad too heavy? Have we lost faith in the democratic process? From when did we leave the red and yellow and turn to black?

Out of all things to feel bad, for a state which is known to stay ahead of time, have we come to a situation where we have to protest in a method which was most relevant a hundred years ago. To talk of it, we were the first city to have electricity in the country. Bangalore, please dont tell me no! We are probably the only city which has IISC,IIM and a proposed IIT. To come to this level of intellectual poverty? It is time for us to fight back. Fight back from the people who have hijacked the state and attacking it's very own people.It's time to define who is a Kannadiga!

We have just finished 50 glorious years of independent existence. A hundred is a long way to go. The warning signs are there everywhere! For all those who really love the state, isn't it time we reclaim it back from the hooligans?