Typically, what we do is...

-->

When i was three, I wanted to be my dad.When I was five, I wanted to be a conductor. When I was seven, I wanted to be Shri Ram. When I was nine, I wanted to be Shiva. Sometimes Rajnikanth,sometimes Tendulkar. So many times in life, I have practised cricketing strokes with a stick in hand imagining the blue sea cheering for me at the Eden gardens. Often, I found myself at the Azad maidan being a politican. But somewhere, firmly deep inside, I was always told I would be an engineer. I never revolted. I was never passionate about being one either. Once in a while, I have wondered what I would be doing if not an engineer? Arts? Commerce? But I would still be studying.

But, did I really become the engineer that I wanted to become? Unlike most other professions, I never knew what being an engineer was. During my bachelors, I thought more about life,love and being forever alone. And forever alone, I am, still!:) Yet, there was always a feeling somewhere deep down that I would be an engineer some day. It was almost like it was written in the stars. At the cusp of formal academics(hopefully not,yet it seems the inevitable.), I really wonder if I can ever call myself an engineer.The more i watch the inhabitants from the corporate jungle, the more they repel me.

I wonder when do normal become 'corporatorized'! Infact, every company seems to be an equation of the form:

Input: intelligent, sane people.

Output: homogenized, obnoxious corporates!

Function contents:

1. Train them.
2. Train them.
3. Train them.

So what really happens to corporate people? And, I am afraid my views may dramatically change in a couple of months. And i want to capture my image of a corporate inhabitant before my model gets damaged by the impending conversion.

Let me first describe how these species look in common life

Name: Homo-corporatiens

Found in: the deep deserts of electronic city, WhiteField in big numbers.

Distinct characteristics:

Irrespective of the sex, they are characterized by a distinct identity card proclaiming their name, company and a photo of them taken when their hair was much darker and better looking. Not sure why they hang around with it even when they are out of the campus, but they do! Mostly tucked around the neck, but some cards can be found hanging around the belt too. The junior members will usually flash their local Android phone at the slightest pretext and the senior folk use their blackberry to either send mails,telling they will be late to the meeting or flirting with the prettiest juniors! Otherwise, the men folk usually wear a formal shirt with the neck button also buckled in decently and a shoe. These things, supposedly help their productivity. It's more easier spotting the women folk though. If you find a woman in a kurti or a formal shirt, mokkai pottufying with a guy on phone or atleast covering her ears with an earphone, as if the common folk would otherwise ask her the time, then be sure, this is one of the corporate ladeezz!!Of course, the highest probability of finding them in areas which traditionally do not belong to them are in the Volvo buses!

Languages known:

A highly esoteric and grammer less form of English which has evolved over the years in the far away lands of America is widely spoken across all sects of the corporate hierarchy. The accent might sound stylish, but unfortunately, it stops at that. Typically, words like “typically, what we do at our organization is....”, “platform as a service, mindlessness as a service, service as a service(OK, they dont know what does service really mean!)”, “we, at the industry deal with problems which involve scales or a few millions blah blah!!” are used once in every two sentences. And yeah, they usually can't speak without Microsoft ppts! Some of the richer buggers use Apple and all! But, you know can afford to sleep in a presentation if you see the logo of the company and he starts talking about “What we primarily do in our company is!”. Ok, every company spokesperson (or technical lead, as they call themselves) tells we are no. 1 in blah blah, no.2 in blah blah. All i know is it's all blurred. Everybody in the corporate world is no. 1 only!!

ooooo and how do i forget the women folk!! Especially, the HR people. For them, employees are never people. Some are folks. Some are blandly called resources. RESOURCES? WTF! OK, but seriously, why do these women have to wear some stupid looking formal shirt to look formal? And yeah, please stop talking about “grooming” skills again. Broom will come in hand, ok?

Probably, in a couple of months, even I will be one among them. Probably, one of my juniors might curse them. Or maybe, not. So is life!