The scar

While I sit to pen down my thoughts on the placement season, I find myself engulfed by a cloud of self-doubts which threaten to wipe out whatever little bright spots that hopes otherwise promise. And I write this short note very well aware of the fact that I will be branded a pessimist by few..selfish by many.

While the media might paint the campus placement to be a panacea for all the problems which besiege the job-seekers, to an average student like me it has only made me alien to the confidence which i possessed in abundance not long back.And this sudden despair isn’t without reason. All thanks to the human ego!After u attend an interview and get rejected, does the feeling really sink in that I just wasn’t worth enough for 4.5 lakhs.Well, lets stick to the old adage “Past is best forgotten.”. It’s the future which looks insecure than ever before. A few days from today, It will be imminent to see atleast a trillion statuses proudly proclaiming “Yes, I got my job!!”.No,now don’t mistake me..If you are my friend I will feel happy for you for a fleeting second atleast. But unfortunately, I love myself more than I love you. If I do indeed manage to get placed, that fleeting second might just expand itself to hours or even days. But then the dreaded question raises its head..”What If I fail to make the cut again??”. The very thought of not being good enough might manifest itself into something bigger than just a thought..the inferiority complex of having not got placed might slowly creep in…..the thousand questions of answering your parents,,your relatives who never cared an iota when you need them suddenly pop up with “Hey, you still didn’t get placed??”….But the most important of all..your very own friends telling you..”Never expected that you wont get placed!!” .The Infinite curses to Lady luck, a trillion “good-wishes” to the interviewer will only add fuel to the fire which would have by then consumed me. Today I stand at a unique threshold of life where I do not see more than a pin hole of light. But if God indeed does wish, that pin hole of light could guide me to my destiny.

It’s the scar of having seen failure once….Its the fear of failing again…….Its the fear of breaking down after failure…..

It’s the scar which I badly want to erase…….