I am 27. That makes me old to have been smitten by a few crushes. It also makes me old enough not to write about crushes. The age also affords me the luxury to indulge in the warm remniscing of my crushes with fond nostalgic eyes. Affectionate feelings for the crushes don’t translate positively to the process of crushing, in itself. I am scared of the uncertainty involved. Every crush has changed me, mostly for the better. Any change, though is painful. Some crushes made me a better speaker(somewhat!), some others a feminist. At the least, it has made me a more rounded person than before. One of the most heartwarming incidents was when, a crush said I've been trying too hard to be an asshole and perhaps, I wasn't one. And I really did believe her.
To think of it, who are crushes?To me, these are examples whom I wish to emulate, by whom I am smitten and are better examples of humanity than me. They are myself, I see in the future. But, I am scared of change and by extension, I am scared of developing a crush. Age, one assured oneself granted immunity against crushes. The receding hairline, one supposed repelled the women I admire. And a wit, which only I think can even be called wit!
But, strikes it does every time, with a vengeance. Even, at this age. Initially, one just laughs it off. After all, isn’t all this for the teens? Like waiting for a message, sounding nervous when you meet the person. You assure yourself, “No, I am not nervous. This wasn’t how it was the last time, when being crushed”. And indeed it wasn’t like this, the last time a crush happened. Because, every crush is different and it is exactly why crushes, by definition are so attractive. Yet, I can slowly find myself opening up to her, one message at a time. Revealing the silliness of me, which isn’t guarded by anything better in the first place. I am now scared and concocting theories of how this can’t be a crush and how it is a logical impossibility. And to be fair, my theory is logically sound too.
But, when were crushes dictated by logic?
To think of it, who are crushes?To me, these are examples whom I wish to emulate, by whom I am smitten and are better examples of humanity than me. They are myself, I see in the future. But, I am scared of change and by extension, I am scared of developing a crush. Age, one assured oneself granted immunity against crushes. The receding hairline, one supposed repelled the women I admire. And a wit, which only I think can even be called wit!
But, strikes it does every time, with a vengeance. Even, at this age. Initially, one just laughs it off. After all, isn’t all this for the teens? Like waiting for a message, sounding nervous when you meet the person. You assure yourself, “No, I am not nervous. This wasn’t how it was the last time, when being crushed”. And indeed it wasn’t like this, the last time a crush happened. Because, every crush is different and it is exactly why crushes, by definition are so attractive. Yet, I can slowly find myself opening up to her, one message at a time. Revealing the silliness of me, which isn’t guarded by anything better in the first place. I am now scared and concocting theories of how this can’t be a crush and how it is a logical impossibility. And to be fair, my theory is logically sound too.
But, when were crushes dictated by logic?
No comments:
Post a Comment